How to Fish

When starting a coaching business you have to create an “offer.” While coaching is the skill I’m training in, it’s not the product I’m selling to people. Nobody care’s about the chef’s knife skills; they just want a good dish at the end of the day. And a ballet is the most fun to watch when it looks effortless and I feel like I could get up there and do it myself. My point is, when people ask me what coaching is, it’s hard for me to not get in the weeds on what the process is like or what the methodology is. It’s hard for me to give them a clean “offer.”

Yes, I’ve seen the targeted ads on Instagram that tell me they can get me my first 6 paying clients with their strategies. I’ve read books on marketing, listened to podcasts, looked at other businesses, talked with friends and colleagues and coaches, and heard it all from ChatGPT. I have to give people an “offer.” I have to explain to people what they will get from me, what kind of transformation I can bring them. Oh, and if you’re a new coach, you should really consider a niche because it makes identifying the problem so much easier. If you’re struggling with X problem, I’ll help you get to Y solution, right?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from coaching it’s that once I get into the arena of “have to” language or value judgements about how important certain strategies are over others, I’m toast. That’s the point where I become motivated by my Inner Critic, external judgments, or how I think others will see me. And that’s exactly what happened in a session with a client. After the session, I felt so much stress in my body I had to shut my computer, put on my noise cancelling headphones, and take a long, brisk walk.

The client came in feeling stressed. This was only our second session out of twelve, and they wanted to spend some time solidifying their goals for our program. They highlighted that they were struggling with time management. In my program, we are taught that if a client comes with time management issues, this is a life management problem. We first have to clarify the client’s personal values and use those as the compass for how to move forward. We can only know what to prioritize in the client’s life once we understand what is most meaningful to them. Normally, I hold back on suggesting tools for clients, but the values tool is the bread-and-butter of coaching, so I felt compelled to bring it up.

We spent the next 45 minutes reviewing their core values and having a meaningful and fruitful conversation. We picked apart what was actually important to my client and what wasn’t. We uncovered some important feelings and motivations behind certain perspectives or actions, and all in all built a greater understanding of the stressors in their life.

But…we didn’t address their schedule. At all. Before ending the session, I awkwardly apologized for not getting to their schedule and signed off. Whew. My Inner Critic was raging. So, I went for a walk.

After several minutes of movement and returning to my breath and body, I started to listen to what my Inner Critic was saying. It was saying some pretty harsh stuff, that I have to fix the client’s problem; that’s why my client came to me in the first place, and that because I didn’t I was a liar and that my client made a mistake paying me in the first place.

Pee-ew!! Something stinks! I almost stopped in my tracks. Have to? I have to solve my client’s problem? That’s why they paid me money? That’s when my Highest Self came into the picture. She’s always right there, laughing at my Inner Critic, shaking her head, and rolling her eyes. What’s this bozo saying now? My Highest Self always seems to say. You’re really going to listen to this guy?

She continued: if I had spent that hour solving my client’s problem this week, then they would just come back next week with the same problem: scheduling. They don’t need me as a calendar manager; that’s not why they are my client. They show up to our sessions so that we can uncover the root behind the blockers and build the skills to organize their schedule all on their own with the confidence and strength of their own self-knowledge.

In my training, they tell us to coach the person, not the problem. I’m coaching the person while the person is fixing their own problem. And when I thought back to what I did in the session, I realized that’s exactly what I did. Here’s another secret about working with me: sometimes I tune my clients out. That’s right: when my client started listing all the things they had to do this week, I tuned out of the substance and I tuned in to the form of their language. Every sentence started with,

and that’s what I pointed out to them. I said,

My client’s response was a look of surprise. They hadn’t noticed that they were using those words to piece together their to-do list. I shifted from solving the problem they presented to me right now to reflecting on the overall narratives that were motivating this problem. As my Highest Self’s voice started to get louder, it told me that this was precisely the work I want to be doing, the work I find the most meaningful. I don’t want to be putting out fire after fire every week not making any progress but making it seem like I’m “solving” problems for people. Instead, I want to partner for sustainable change within my clients which means slowing down, really listening to them, and developing the language and awareness they need in their daily lives.

As I returned home and logged back on my computer, I started to think again about the marketing strategies I see floating around and how I’m told I have to provide a perfectly packaged solution to every person who crosses my website. “You have X problem and I have Y solution and it will give you Z outcome.” It feels opaque to me to tell people that they will build greater self awareness, achieve clarity, or feel more fulfilled. That’s not the type of outcome modeling that creates the best kind of “offer.” So, I’m still working on it and defining and refining what I offer. And as early readers of my blog, you get a front row seat to all that goes into creating that.

This client story is a reflection of what I help my coaching clients do. Together, we identify what’s keeping you stuck, create a personalized path forward, and build the confidence and momentum to achieve sustainable, lasting results.

If this story resonated with you and you’re ready to explore change in your own life, I’d love to connect. Explore my current offerings or schedule a complimentary discovery call.